(P)arallel lines never meet?

Moments like this are the best for a blog post.
There's a limit to how much one can remember in your head, but once you pen it down, it's etched in my black and white forever.
I love how I am able to experience the emotions all over again when i revisit an old blog post.
Doesn't matter the type of emotion or the event, it all comes back to life the moment I start reading old posts.
This is definitely one of the moments I will re-live in the future.
A day i want to & will remember for some time to come.

Dear Future me,

Sometimes with the ability to think comes the problem of over thinking.
Not that i'm intelligent bursting with IQ, but a rational mind has always been one of my advantages.
I'm outspoken yet seemingly laid back around acquaintances and friends
But my mind always behaves like an overclocked CPU.
Constantly running through scenarios, thinking about what happened, might happen, should happen and will happen.
In fact, I think I am the level-headed guy go-to guy in cliques.
But my level-headedness disappears when it comes to people I like.
Just like the "Sunflower" and F.
I've made many irrational decisions
Over-think, Over-expect and Over-do

I am guilty of committing the above
Just that, this time round I was stopped(luckily?) before I over-do.
Overthinking is quite inevitable for me unless i'm permanently intoxicated.
Resigned to fate that it has become part of me already.
Oh well

Overexpectation
Was speaking to Jinz just now and she told me about the fear of disappointment.
She had a lot of ideas in mind but she doesn't always carry them out
Why?
For the fear that things doesn't turn out the way she imagines it to be
And in the end nothing is done.
I guess that applies to everybody, doesn't it?
Everybody fears disappointment
No sane person will like to be disappointed.
It only logical.

But
Fortune favours the brave
and this directly opposes my mentality of the fear of failure.
Tugged between the two extremes, I had no idea what to do.
Many a times I faced such a scenario
I mean I've "liked" quite a few people over the years
But the heart & mind know that those were mere infatuation
Mostly which I referred to as physical attraction
So what determined the action to take?
Ultimately it boils down to the negotiation between your brain and heart.
That determines how badly I want it.

A numerous occasions, the heart said go for it, but the mind rebutted.
I'd follow my mind most of the time.
But sometimes, though rarely, i'll end in a situation of heart over mind.

I've only asked twice in my life thus far (this time, and "sunflower")
And both was considered a failure to me.
But do i regret it?
Nah, I don't think so
I did what I did because I know that was what I wanted.
Doesn't matter whether that would be what I want in the future
What matters is that I'm clear that WAS what i wanted at that point in time.

In the beginning, I didn't even have the slightest clue that it will end up this way.
Interest was a straight zilch.
I only bothered to be acquaintance solely because of academic circumstances.
But interest grew gradually.
My perspective changed.
While I've always been able to click on fine with girls, I've never been able to connect on so many levels before.
It is as if we are Parallel lines.
I thought, "Maybe this is what compatibility is all about"
You're only truly comfortable with a person if you can sit in silence and not feel weird
That was what I felt.
Never ever have I felt so comfortable with a person that I could tell one of the deeper secrets of myself when the number of times we met was less what two hands could count.
The problem was, I grew too comfortable in it with this mentality.
Incrementally, I expected more and more.
Sometimes, it even tipped the balance but there was nothing to give me a reality check.


Drunken words, Sober thoughts
Led on by the tipsy heart that night, I texted.
(Funny thing, quite a few of my friends were shocked when I told them I texted. Is that not the way to do it? hahah No idea, but that's the way I did)
Took the leap and plunge I did.
Oh well but nobody succeeds all the time, right?
At least now I do know the answer, and that's all that matters though I'm the least convinced by the explanations.
To put it bluntly, even the most oblivious person would be able to pick up the signs.
(even friends of friends whom I don't know, asked me about it)
But then again, nobody owes me an explanation. So I don't need one.


I don't want to lose this Parallel line.
And I'll have to try to change my mentality.
Otherwise, it's definitely a stalemate on my end.
I can't promise it will happen
I can only promise I'll try.
Maybe this post will look really silly years down the road, when we are damn fucking good friends.
Maybe this post will be reduced to mere memories many years down the road when we are nothing
Whatever the future holds for me, I'm looking forward to it already!

Feeling unusually jubilant right now considering the situation, but don't care. Doesn't matter.
I feel relieved already. (:

Regards,
Current me