Assumed outcomes

We were walking along this untrodden path together.
Untrodden paths are always full of uncertainties, surprises and even shocks.
I was happy to just hold your hands to walk this route together.
Though this road was unpredictable, it seemed like we were walking just fine.
We had our smooth-sailing days, but an equal share of unhappy and bumpy routes as well.

Then, we reached the crossroad where two paths laid ahead.
One of which was a well-paved smooth road.
It offers comfort, certainty, stability and simplicitiy.
No potential potholes, danger zones or whatever.
What you see is what you get.
The other road was the one we were already on.

I had no clues whether the familiar bumpy path we were on, was what you wanted.
Though your words read that you had no intentions of treading that alternative path, you actions said otherwise.
Many a times, I caught you tiptoeing your way around the alternative path.
You probably wanted to find out what laid ahead for you.
I don't fault you for that because it's only natural to be curious.
But everytime you did that, it hurts me because I was still holding on to you.

At that point in time, I made a tough (and some say lousy) decision.
I let go of your hands.
Not because I wanted to.
But because I wanted you to consider your paths carefully.
I want you to choose the bumpy path, only if you truly wanted it.
I didn't want you to choose this path because I was holding your hands, guiding you there.

The brightness of the day doesnt lasts forever.
Before dusk, I could see everything so clearly, because you remained in my sight in the bright daylight.
Soon, the night became dark and blur.
I'm beginning to lose sight of where you were heading for.
But right before I lost visibility of you, I said,
"Whatever path you choose to take, tell me. Even if you're taking the alternative path, tell me, so i know that you've moved on."
In the darkness, you nodded. (on hindsight, I don't even know whether that was a nod)
But to me, it counts as a nod.
I stood there, waiting for you to tell me something.
Whether to move along with me, or to try out the new path, I stood there waiting.
The answer never came, and it still hasn't.
Standing in the dark, fucking sucked so bad.

Dawn broke
People started walking by, informing me of sightings of you on the alternative path.
Happily trodding on the new path, nonetheless.
I never doubted what they say.
I was angry
Not angry that you chose the other path but angry because I heard about you from everybody else, except you.
But still, I stood there, waiting for you to break silence.
Whatever other people told me didnt matter, even though I know it was true.
What mattered was that you kept your promise of telling me.
Looking back, it seemed dumb to be standing there waiting for what felt like eternity.

When I finally convinced myself (sort of) that you had your reasons for not returning to tell me anything, I decided I need to move on.
I hate dwelling on the past.
The past is there for us to reflect, the future there for us to shape.
Being stuck in this situation was not an option for me.
But..... I heard a shout from a distance "I promise B, someday, i'll tell you"
and so the second round of waiting began.
And i'm still waiting........


I let go of your hands, albeit half-willingly.
I let you go, knowing that you will venture away.
I let you go, knowing that you will venture and might never come back.
I did all these, despite knowing the outcomes, the possibility of losing you.
Did I try hard to convince you back to the path? Nope, I didnt even try at all.
Why so stubborn, some might ask.

I said, the heart goes where it wants to go.
If the heart wants to stay, no amount of effort will make it go. If the heart wants to leave, no amount of effort will make it stay.

Do I regret? No, because I saw this coming.