Birthday

Birthday was a few days back.

Spent the entire day (actually, the entire week) at the beneficiary camp for Ballooning Blitz.

Not a fan of being under the spotlight, i removed birthday from my Facebook page.

Reason being that if other members at the camp knew it was my birthday, they are highly likely to bombard me with questions like

"Why are you doing camp on your birthday?"

"Why don't you just say you don't want to do today because it's your birthday?"

"Huh, so sad uh, birthday never celebrate"

and they will feel obliged to sing me a birthday song... blah blah blah.
Any other day, I'd probably thrive with such attention

But I'm not really a fan of celebrating my own birthday 

& The last thing I want on my birthday is attention. 

For the past 5 years, I had spent birthdays in the most boring way anyone can ever think of.

I just wanted to have some time on my own.

Spent the day using the com, reading, watching random stuff.
Simple, that's how I like it.
This may sound crazy but I did tell different groups of friends that i have something on when I didn't.
All just to make sure that I had the day to myself.
Good liar isn't it?

But having said that, every year, i'll spend some time thinking about my life, especially on my birthday
What i've done, what i'm going to do.
Since i was at a camp, I didn't really have the time to give it a proper think through.
So I shall do it now.
But let me just recap my reflections last year, since I didn't get to blog about it.

Being 21 was a big difference compared to being in my teens.
Numerically, the difference is insignificant.
But it's symbolically different.
How so?
21 year old is when you start being a true recognized adult.
I don't know about the rest, but to me, that was a big burden.
What's worse is that, that was just the start of many more such years to come.
Job, housing, cars, relationship, family.
All these issues are inevitably gonna become relevant soon, really soon.
I've got friends who are engaged, and bought their HDB flats.
Others have scholarship/jobs secured, or at the very least, they know what they want in life.
Do I know what I want?
Nope.
I don't know which university course I want.
I have no inclination towards any of the uni
I don't know what I'm looking for as a Career
I have no idea what kind of life I want to strive towards
I don't know when/how I am going to achieve financial dependency on my parents
I don't have any idea what my future wife/gf (if any) is going to be like
Zilch.
Totally no direction in my life.
I'm just living my life day to day.
Doing whatever I like, whenever I want.

The issue is, many people would think that I'm wasting life away.
Initially I thought so too.
I mean i have peers who've achieved so much at the same age, yet i pretty much remained the same since secondary school.
It's hard to avoid thinking about how useless I am.

But last year, I gave it a long hard thought.
Uni is probably the last chance in my life that I can live 'irresponsibly" in some sense
There isn't a need to be too bothered about finance, jobs, cost of living and all.
I'll just do whatever I want, worries can come later after I'm done with uni.
So that's how I ended with my mentality towards Uni.
I'm not gonna force myself to do well, I'll just do whatever i'm comfortable with
Try out different field of work/projects, hoping that I will be able to find the field of study I love
This sums up what I pondered about last birthday.

Ahhh so tired now.
Shall do my 22nd reflection some other day
Perhaps tonight.